Advice For Those Who Are Bullied: What To Do / Not To Do
- Don't try to handle it on your own. Get help from others. Bullying is a huge problem that requires reaching out and intervention from others to solve. That includes adult intervention. If you are being tormented by a bully or are a victim of cyber-bullying, talk to an adult that you trust. tell your teacher, your counselor, your parents or some other adult you trust. If you want the bullying to stop, you need to get help from an adult that you trust and who has the power to do something about it. (Hint: Your parents have more power to solve this problem than you think.)
- Don't listen to what bullies say about you. Bullies can get inside your head and make you think that what they say about you is how everyone thinks and feels about you - this simply is not true. Don't give a bully the power to define who you believe you are. Instead, surround yourself with friends and people who know who you really are and speak positively about you, and don't let anyone but you define who you really are. Make a list of your strengths as a person and read it daily, compliment yourself often for the things you do well, and enjoy the things you like about being you.
- Don't hurt yourself to escape from others hurting you. Social media and television are ablaze with stories of kids and teens who hurt themselves or commit suicide because of bullying or cyber-bullying - you have to realize that this is not a response that will fix anything and that it allows the bully to win. Don't give the bully this kind of power. If you do, you give them complete control over you. They are getting what they want and they can now do it without having to make any effort to hurt you - because you are willing to do it for them. There is always hope and there is always a different way out. Talk to a trusted adult about your feelings and your problem if you feel depressed or lonely and talk to someone right away or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org if you are thinking about harming yourself or suicide.
- Don't blame yourself. You did not do anything to deserve being bullied. Bullying is always a behavior that the bully chooses. No one is responsible but them. It is not your fault that this is happening, nor would it be better or go away if you were a different person than who you are. The bully is the one responsible. Blame them; they deserve it - you don't!
- Don't withdraw from life. You may be inclined to stop hanging out with your friends or to avoid going to school and other social environments - Don't do it. You need people and it is important that you have support from people you trust. If your friends are the ones doing the bullying, find some new freinds and participate in groups and
This site is under construction... much more to come, including how to avoid bullying and bullies, how to deescalate potentially violent situations and more! Stay tuned!
Being Prepared = Prevention
- Train yourself to be aware of your surroundings. Take a moment to assess what is going on around you whenever you enter/exit a building to go outside. Train yourself to 'scan' your surroundings, and be aware of potential 'trouble spots'. It is easier to avoid a bully or a bad situation if you are aware of it before you are immersed in the situation or the bully becomes aware of you. To practice 'scanning' your immediate environment; first look near, then far, then near again.. Notice what is happening in front of you and to your sides. You should also scan behind you occasionally to be aware of all that is happening around you. Remember: the more aware you are of what is going on around you, the less likely you are to be surprised by an encounter with a bully.
- Don't wait for trouble to reach you to react. Whenever possible, assess the situation and have a plan of action before the bully reaches you. It is really a good idea to have a plan of action developed for every bullying situation that you are likely to encounter or find yourself involved in. Have a plan for avoiding the situation, a plan of action for if you can't avoid it, and a plan of actions that includes where to go and who to talk to if you find yourself on the receiving end of a bully's attack. Having a plan in advance takes some of the 'scary' out of the situation and makes you more confident in dealing with it. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will be. The more confident you are - the less likely you are to be targeted by bullies.
- Avoid walking alone or being caught alone in isolated places. Bullies look for opportune places and circumstances to victimize others. Avoiding these places and situations increases your chances of not becoming the target of a bully.
- If you see a bully coming toward you, look at them directly to let them know that you are aware of them and then walk briskly and deliberately toward a place of safety. Often, bullies look for victims who are easy to catch off guard and control. The harder you make it for a bully to victimize you, the less likely they are to choose you as a target or continue to bully you if they have already started.
- Stand tall, walk proudly and purposefully, and engage in activities that make you feel confident and proud to be you. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid people and situations that make you feel bad about yourself. If you think it will make you feel more confident, enroll in a Martial Arts or Self-Defense class. Bullies are less likely to target you if you look confident and feel good about yourself. They will generally look for a target that is more likely to give them the kind of reaction that they are looking for - an emotional and/or submissive one.
- Learn all that you can about bully prevention and avoidance. Arm yourself with as much information as possible so that you can learn how not to be a target how to deal with bullying/cyber-bullying on any level that you might encounter it. If you think it will help, Take a Martial Arts or a Self-Defense class. Get your hands on any available information, training, or other resources that focus on the problem of bullying and put into action any techniques or tips that apply to you and your situation. The old adage that 'knowledge is power' is absolutely true - especially in regard to bullying. The more you know about bullies and their behavior, the better prepared you will be to deal with them and the less likely it is that you will become a victim. Your local BULLY-PROOF ZONE™ is a great place to go to get informed! Check out the BULLY-PROOF ZONE™ nearest you!