What To Do When You See Bullying Behavior Taking Place: For Adults
It has been shown that adults play a critical role in responding to incidents of bullying. If the response to bullying behavior is immediate and consistent, it can stop bullying behavior in individuals over time and helps send a message to all young people that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and produces unpleasant consequences for those who engage in it. Below are several things that adults can do to intervene and keep kids safe when they see bullying taking place:
- Stop it immediately. If there is another adult present; get them to help you
- Separate the kids who are involved. It is important to get them away from each other to help deescalate the situation and make sure everyone is safe.
- If anyone needs medical attention, get it immediately.
- Assess and address any emotional or mental health issues. This could mean comforting a child and keeping them safe until their parents or other authorities arrive. It could also mean educating the parents of the children involved about local programs or services that can help them deal with any emotional needs or behavioral issues that may become evident.
- Stay calm and avoid responding from emotion rather than from logic and common sense.
- Avoid the desire to immediately sort out the facts. If you question the children involved in front of the others, you will not get to the truth and you may make matters worse. Never talk to the kids involved as a group. Talk to them separately.
- Don't expect that you will solve the problem by making the kids "apologize to each other and play nice". If you force the kids involved to patch things up and apologize immediately; the bully may resent you for it and take it out on the victim at a later date.
- Know when to call the police or get medical attention. Get medical attention immediately if there is any indication that anyone has suffered serious bodily harm. Get the police involved if there were any threats of serious bodily harm or injury, if a weapon was used or involved in any way, if the bullying included hate-motivated violence or threats (due to race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.), if any form of sexual abuse was a factor, or if anyone has committed or is accused of committing a crime (such as theft, extortion, destruction of property or sexual assault)
- Follow up with the kids and their families and help support them where you can.
Finding Out What Happened -
It is important to get to the facts of the matter and find out what is happening whether you have just witnessed and intervened in a bullying incident or a child/teen has come to you for help. When trying to get to the bottom of the issue, it is important to keep everyone separated and to get the story from several different sources. This will help you to determine the truth. You should also take care not to blame anyone while you are listening. It is difficult to see things clearly if you have already made up your mind who is at fault. Don't call it bullying until you are sure that it is. Let the facts speak for themselves.
What To Do When You See Bullying Behavior Taking Place: For Kids and Teens
Kids and Teens see more bullying than anyone else. They are literally on the front line in the battle against bullying and cyber-bullying. Below are some helpful tips for kids who witness bullying behavior and incidents:
- Don't support or encourage bullying behavior. Bullies feed off of the attention of bystanders. If you see another kid being bullied or teased, don't laugh or indicate any kind of approval of the behavior. If you do, you are encouraging the behavior and endorsing the bully. This makes you just as responsible for hurting the feelings of the victim as the bully is. Bullies torment others to gain approval,acceptance or respect from their peers. If kids stop laughing and "playing along" when they see someone being bullied or teased; bullies will cease to get the response they need and bullying behavior will stop. Remember, if you laugh, play along, or watch and do nothing; you are giving the bully an audience and encouraging their behavior. Don't support it. Be part of the solution; not part of the problem.
- Act annoyed, disinterested or simply let the bully that you don't think what they are doing is funny (especially if they are your friend).
- Stay away from bullies and bullying situations. Remember, bullies do what they do to get an audience - don't give them one.
- Speak up. Don't encourage bullying - encourage others to stand up against it. If you see bullying and it is safe for you to do so - intervene. If you don't feel safe, tell a trusted adult so that they can intervene. Do not let it go unchecked.
- Offer support to the victim. If someone knocked their books to the floor, help them pick the books up. Let them know that you are sorry that they were treated that way and that they don't deserve it. Support the victims of bullying with sincere words of kindness.
- Express your disdain for bullying by not joining in the laughter, in the teasing ,or in the spreading of rumors and gossip about others. When others try to involve you in these activities, tell them that you feel it is wrong and you want no part of it.
- Realize that you are not a "nark" or a "tattle-tale" if you tell an adult about bullying you see. Those labels are just another tool that bullies use to keep their victims powerless and to coerce others into keeping quiet. Do not give them the power.