How To Get Your Kid To Talk To You About Bullying-
* Kids rarely open up to their parents about bullying. That is why it is so important to learn to recognize the warning signs that your child may be being bullied. Once you have recognized a potential problem, the following tips are often helpful in getting your kid to talk to you about it and handling the issue effectively:
- If you notice one of the signs that your child might be the victim of a bully, ask direct questions and open a dialog. If, for example, your child always comes home hungry and eats right away; you might say, "You are always so hungry when you get home. Are you eating lunch at school?" Or maybe they are always losing money, clothing, etc. - you might say, "This is happening pretty often. Is someone taking it from you?" You can't expect that they will automatically tell you the truth. Watch their reactions and tune in to their body language - that will tell you plenty. Let you know that you are on their side and there to help them but you won't be able to do anything until they tell you what happened. Try telling them that "its okay to admit it if someone is bullying you - it happens to three out of four kids and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It means something is wrong with the bully." If you can, get them to open up by letting them know that they have help and you are on their side.
- If your child still won' talk to you and you are fairly certain that they are being bullied...or at least have enough of a question that you are concerned, try talking to some of their friends about it. Often, your child's friends will be more likely to give you the whole story than your kid will...especially when it comes to bullying.
- If you think the bullying is happening in your child's school, arrange a conference with the school principal and/or your child's teacher(s). If your child has more than one adult who is responsible for their care during school hours, you will want to talk with all of them. Recognize the fact that bullying does not happen in every classroom and that you are not trying to assign blame - you are working with the adults involved in your child's care to determine if, where, and when your child is being bullied so that you can all address the problem in an effective manner. Most schools do not want bullying to take place within their walls any more than you do.
- Emphasize to your kid that you believe them and are there to help. If they refuse to talk about the bullying; reassure them by letting them know that you are concerned that they may be being bullied and that they are not alone - you are here to help.
- If any laws have been broken, get the police involved. Bullying is a serious problem and most states have passed laws that address bullying/cyber-bullying behavior in schools (and elsewhere). Be sure you know the laws for your state (we will post them on this site soon) and do not hesitate to call the police whenever the situation warrants it. Law Enforcement has a broader scope of authority than the school does and can deal with any issue where criminal law has been violated, both on and off of school grounds. Bullying/cyber-bullying is a pervasive problem that sometimes leads to tragedies like school shootings and youth suicide. We need to send a clear message to bullies that their behavior "is not funny or okay" and that there are severe consequences for engaging in bullying/cyber-bullying behavior.
- Keep a close eye on your kid. Victims of bullying often become depressed, isolated and withdrawn. If they feel embarrassed or humiliated because they are being bullied, they will avoid talking to anyone about it and withdraw from social activities such as going to school or hanging out with friends. They start to feel like the whole world is against them and they have no hope. This is how many tragic outcomes unfold. If you see these signs continuing or becoming more prevalent or intense, or if you just feel like your kid is dealing with more than they can handle and something is wrong, seek counseling and professional help. Too many disasters could have been avoided if only the young people involved would have asked for help. If you think your kid needs help -don't wait for them to ask...just get it.